Essays by Rosalind Warren


Even Superwoman Can Have Back Problems

I Took All my Money out of the Stock Market and it Feels Amazing

My Face is Stuck in the ‘70s

Happy to be Me, Boomers in Spandex Say

My Night with Leonard Cohen

Old Dog/Expensive Surgery

At Ease With A Body Fighting Gravity

A Quiet Meal, Polluted By Noise

Egypt: The Musical

Let Me Tell You
What’s Wrong With Me

I’m Not Getting Any Better

My New Year’s Resolution for 2019? To be More Like my Dog

Oy Vey! I’m teaching my Phone to Speak Yiddish

I took a Lyft from Brooklyn to Philadelphia

I’m Old. How about You?

Flying Grandma: National Grandparents Day

I Dated a Space Invader

You Have Something I don’t Have

Yoga Poses on a Plane

Senior Men Won’t Date Senior Women

Absent Grandmother: Gone Never Forgotten

Weighing In – My Relationship
with a Scale

The Sweat-Drenched Woman’s Guide

Is it Time for Me to Stop Driving?

Some Day My Prince Will not Come...

The Woman Who Doesn’t Cook

Stunning News About Sex After 60

Whose Adventure are we Choosing Here?

The Joy of Comedy Sex

That TV Show You Love so Much Doesn’t Make you Interesting

First Class Flight

Worst. Concert. Ever.

Music and the Lesson of Love

Love, Infidelity and Facebook

In Praise of Bad Girls

Talk to your Doctor about Joining club Meds

Karma Chameleon

Looking for a New Man or a New Dog

Suddenly Single at 60

The Boyfriend Equation

Nothing Cures Like Time and Love

Are You Thinking About Your Memory? Aren’t We All!

Your Cheating Heart - How Did I Find Out?

Help! I’m Politically Divided from my Massage Therapist

Should I tell? What Would You Do?

After the Love is Gone

Is There an App for Looking up and Noticing Life

Please Don’t Pass the Salt

New Erotic Ebook Accessory Creates a Buzz

Cell Phone Irritation - Echolalia

My Publicity as a Write –
That’s Show Business

The Safest Seat on a Plane

Free to be You and me

Men in Trees

In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle, the Giraffes Hum Tonight

Is This Seat Taken?

Christmas Songs we Love to Hate

I Hear the Ticking of the Death Clock

When Should Christmas Lights Come Down?

My Dr. Who Shirt is Bigger on the Inside

The Awful Very Bad No Good Sentence

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Who’s Watching You on the Web?

Sixty isn’t What it Used to Be

So Much for Magazines

Fun with Telemarketers

What is Cataract Surgery Actually Like?

The Ultimate Cataract Surgery Mixtape

It’s an Airplane, Not a Shul

A Tale of Three Titties

Every Step You Take,
Every Toe Your Break

Forever Four-Eyes

What’s That Smell?

Flyers Beware - It Could Get Turbulent

Do You Love Bugs? They’re Crazy about Me!

“Underpants Man,”
the Tony Matelli Statue

You’re Probably Wondering
About My Nose

Radical Middle-Aged
Cake Acceptance:
A Modest Proposal

The Beatles. 1966. Detroit’s Olympia Stadium. I was there.

Repair is Beyond Me

Go Fork Yourself

You Call This Cold?
Hah! This isn’t Cold

I’m Comfortable in my Own Groove

How to Break Your Toe in One Easy Step

Prosopagnosia! I’m Face Blind.
Who the Hell are You

Senior Stealth Stretches


Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s… Marcel Proust!

If you can’t Trust your Plumber, who can you Trust?

Don’t Even Think about Stealing this Essay

Golden Slumbers

Soylent. It’s Not Just for
Breakfast Anymore

My Resolutions for YOU
in 2014

If Paul Walker had Obeyed
the Speed Limit, He’s be Alive Today

Zen and the Art of Enjoying the Last Laugh

War and Peas

Wrong about Sex, from JD Salinger to Miley Cyrus

Detroit, I’m Emotionally

Holiday on Ice!

It’s a Different World
when you Walk with a Cane

An Introvert on the Today Show

Fun with Boomer Barbie


Dance the Smart Phone
Tango Without Me

My Eternal Life in Cyberspace

You Never Forget Your First

This Train is Bound for Paoli

Call Me

The Bad Haircut Blues

Dog Blog

Bible Stories for Atheist Babysitters

Random Acts of Excruciating Annoyance

I’m Terry Gross and
This Is (Bleep) “Fresh Air”

Happiness is a Garbage Truck

You are Not Cute and This is Not Funny: Blogging for the New York Times

Valentine’s Day: Say It With Chickens

Divorced Person's Thanksgiving

It's Tough To Love A Smoker

Selling A Wedding Ring

You’re Gay? I’m Not Surprised.
But Thanks For Telling Me.

I Recycled My Husband



Random Acts of Extraordinary Annoyance

Singing the Germs Away

How To Know If Ducks Are Unhappy:
One Writers Google Analytics Adventure

If You Are What You Eat
Then I Am A Cheerio

The Tipping Point

My Son Just Got Married. You Have A Problem With That?

First Class for the First Time -- Yippee!


You Will Grow Up To Be A Lion Tamer


I'm An Atheist Who Nurtures
Orthodox Jewish Kids


Death Comes for Fluffy the Cat

Fat Chance

Will Write for Crabcakes

I Googled Myself and
Learned I was Dead

The Psychoanalysts Daughter

Missing the Funeral

Pretty in Pink

You Have The Obligation
To Remain Silent

Life, Liberty and the
Pursuit of a Prom Date

Need A Good Read?
Independent is Best!

Waiting for test results

Why I Don't Bag My Groceries

Dogs in Tuxes

"Game Time" Don't Call it
Trivial Pursuit

Don't Call Him a Shooter.
Call Him a Schmuck

A Resolution for 2011: Know Your Money

The Surprised Bride

OMG! It's Terry Gross

Adventures in Frugality --
My Five Dollar Haircut

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Guess Where I Am

Snore Wars

all drawings by Nina Paley


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Our Bodies, Our Shelves:
A Collection of Library Humor